Self Arranged Marriage: Expectations vs Reality

Since, we live in India and as we are extremely concerned about society and what people say, marriage becomes a social phenomenon. So after a certain age, it becomes difficult to stay alone in this society. Some segments of society are too excited to see you married before you attain the age of 25 years while some segments are slightly liberal and don't mind waiting for another 2-3 years before they actually start to taunt you and pester you with questions on your marriage. It’s like seeing you married is the only thing left for them to live for. And it doesn't end there you also tend to receive continuous tantrums of your own people including your parents and married friends. Yes, it gets worse, you tend to doubt yourself and think as to really where you are lacking, the social pressure hits you hard. But, if you’re hopeful and open to change you might get to see the events you never expected.   

Nevertheless, lucky are those who find love early and are able to marry the one they love. But, for others sometimes it seems like an endless search. An arranged marriage is a feeble shot at some watered down version of love. You simply cannot throw two supposedly "compatible" individuals together and tell them to fall in love. Love is a spontaneous reaction. And some basic chemistry will tell you that chaos-creating spontaneous reactions tend to be exothermic. But, when you have no other option and when you do not want to go the typically arranged way, you tend to look for a self arranged marriage. Now, a self arranged marriage is different from the old fashioned arranged marriage only in one aspect that you search for your life partner yourself but of course the families are involved. The only difference is you meet each other first, try to judge the compatibility and then arrange the family meet. But, only if life was as easy as it seemed.

Now, let’s see how different our expectations are from the reality:

Expectation: You meet the guy; get to know him, then decide.

Reality: The families meet and decide amongst themselves, your opinion doesn't count.

Expectation: To have a good courtship period with beautiful magical moments.

Reality: Families start pestering you, "good you like each other, you should now exchange the rings".

Expectation: To fall in love and getting your dream proposal. 

Reality: Families already started giving you stress about marriage arrangement and managing the finances.

Expectation: To be happily married with the man you love for the rest of our life.

Reality: Families discuss about exchange of gifts, the kind of lavish wedding the girls side can arrange, etc.

Expectation: The man of your life will step up and fight for what's right and say I just want her, what I am going to do with these gifts anyway.

Reality: The man has a list too over and above the list of demands of his family.

Expectation: The man realizes what’s more important, the relationship or the list. 

Reality: The list is always given a priority.

Expectation: Things to work out somehow.

Reality: Things never work out until you fulfill the demand list.

Thus, I sometimes ponder is love possible in an arranged way?

What are your thoughts?